DSS and Godzilla

Two things that I'd like to point out, if briefly:

1) I received a number of comments, mostly positive, on the last piece, some of which I've published. Three sub-things I'd like to address to the folks who responded:

a) To the DSS agents who posted responses, thank you. I take it as a compliment that you took the time to read this, let alone respond. You do a difficult job exceptionally well and I (as well my other readers, I'm sure) thank you.
b) Thanks to everyone, DSS and others, who provided clarification on my facts regarding the agency. I may not always get it right the first time, and I appreciate your input.
b) The DSS folks will probably get a laugh out of the fact that my girlfriend had actually been campaigning to see "A Mighty Heart" (which I've since learned has an accurate portrayal of DSS.) I, however, managed to sell her on "Live Free or Die Hard" that day (which has an accurate portrayal of absolutely nothing.)

It seems that the Diplomatic Security Service, and my girlfriend, share a taste in movies that is superior to my own. I'm okay with that. On to the next item:

2) Japan recently had a natural disaster where an earthquake tipped over "hundreds" of barrels of nuclear waste, dumping 317 gallons of radioactive goo into the Sea of Japan. I will give you a few moments to consider the implications of this, and to reach the abundantly and painfully obvious conclusion.

WE ARE WATCHING THE FIRST TEN MINUTES OF A GODZILLA MOVIE.

How has this not been all over the media? The Internet? This is how every Godzilla movie starts! Radioactive goo or Gamma rays or some shit gets into the Sea of Japan. The government covers it up (badly.) The local populace goes about their lives. Then Navy submarines start to disappear. Someone starts to put the pieces together, but by then it's too late; we already see a giant monster climbing radio towers and flipping tanks over with his fiery breath.

(These rules go out the window when Matthew Broderick and Jean Reno are involved, however.)

I work in the National Capital Region, and I can say from firsthand experience that most federal agencies, some state governments and even a few local jurisdictions have contingency plans for everything. Absolutely everything. There has got to be some team of experts, maybe within the Wildlife Service or something, that can be sent over to help the Japanese manage rampaging, 50-foot-high dino-monsters. And if no such team exists, then we need to start putting one together. Right the hell now.

I'm kind of kidding, but if I see something on CNN about missing submarines, then I am buying dinosaur insurance and heading for the hills. Don't say I didn't warn you.