What Would You Pay?

So my girlfriend told me about an event that's being held in DC tonight called "Small Change for Big Change." Held at the swanky 1223 Club in DuPont Circle, it's a John Edwards fundraiser which would be unremarkable except for the price of admission. Which is kinda the story; getting in the door costs you a distinctly non-presidential $15. This the the Edwards campaign site that referenced the last one:

It looks a lot less McNeil-Lehrer News, and a lot more Happy, Hour, than most of the presidential fundraisers you see. Hillary Clinton has been doing them too, but in her case, it's only a couple hundred bucks in the door. She's got a little more star power and commands a little more cash, but in the end, if you're a starving college student who just has to meet her, well...you can most likely afford it. If you don't mind skipping a meal or three.

It's a new strategy fueled by the "netroots" movement, which can move a lot of money by getting a lot of people to contribute small amounts. MoveOn.org is the 800-pound gorilla of this whole thing, but it works well and it seems to work particularly well for Democrats. If you can't get the big money out of politics, you can at least organize the small money in a way that'll counterbalance.

But this got me thinking. You're essentially paying $15 to get a wave, a hello, and possibly a handshake from John Edwards, who might possibly be the next President of the United States. If you're lucky, you might get a minute or two of Face Time chatting with him. On the far other end of the spectrum, you have $12,000-a-plate "executive donor" dinners in Washington with Republicans and the President, where you can bend ol' George's ear on just about anything you like. (I'd suggest Iraq, but I doubt he would appreciate it.) And on the Democratic side of the aisle, you could pay about the same for a big dinner in Hollywood and chat up Nancy Pelosi. If you weren't too busy trying to get Kevin Spacey's autograph.

Here's my question. What would you pay for "face time" with any of the candidates? What's the asking price vs. the actual demand? I know that I'd pay more or less, based on how much they interested me. Obama would be at the top, around $120, followed by Edwards and Clinton at maybe $80, and then down until you hit Dodd, Biden or Bill Richardson (probably $20 or $30.)

Of course, here's where the fun starts. Once we descend into the depths of Dennis Kucinich or Mike "Crazy" Gravel, my personal offering price goes back up because of the entertainment value they add. (Just so you know, I would actually be willing to contribute to the Republicans, too. I don't think that my $100 would actually affect the outcome of the election, whereas the hilariousness would last a lifetime.)

With that in mind, I now offer my current index of dollars I'd be willing to pay, for the opportunity to ask certain questions of, or say certain things to the candidates. Hopefully without being arrested. And so, in no particular order:

Rudy Giuliani: $105 to talk for fifteen uninterrupted minutes on any topic of his choosing, without once referencing 9/11.

Mike Huckabee: $30 to talk for ten minutes about evolution, intelligent design, sex education and the form in which they should be taught in schools. And then I get to put it on YouTube.

Dennis Kucinich: $390 to pinch his cheek and say, "You're such a cute little pwesidential candidate! Yes you is! Yes you is!" (Hands down, this is the one I would jump at. No shame whatsoever. If I get a call from the Kucinich campaign on this, I will take off work tomorrow, hit the ATM on my way to the airport, and write about it the next business day. That is a solemn blogger's oath.)

John McCain: $58 to talk for ten minutes on the contributions of Asian immigrants to American society.

Hillary Clinton: $112 for a straight answer on the question, "At what point after your election to the Presidency will you allow Bill to bring his dates back to the White House?"

John Edwards: $194 for a singalong to any AC/DC or Guns 'N Roses tune. (Excluding November Rain.) The goal of this would be to let him retaliate for the "I Feel Pretty" video that went up on YouTube. The man deserves a shot, and not that weak "it's good for democracy" crap that went up as the video response. The link's here:

Fred Thompson: $44 for him to do the Law & Order "dum dum" sound effect, a cappella. An additional $44 if he hums the whole theme song.

Bill Richardson: $29 to explain to me how a guy with the whitest name of all time is "the Latino candidate." I just really want to know.

Mike Gravel: $299 for a one-hour Q&A where he addresses any burning issues of national import identified by yours truly. These would include: whether men's trousers should be hiked up to the rib or the nipple line, whether rock 'n roll is the Devil's music, and what he thinks should be done about his neighbor, Dennis the Menace.

A note to my readers. If you can find examples of the candidates doing any or all of these things on YouTube (especially Clinton's) I will be quite grateful. In addition, should you have any other proposals for what would be worth your contribution to a candidate's coffers, put them in the comments. I'd love to hear them.

And if you're from any of the campaigns, I'm not kidding. I can probably organize some more people to make contributions if you'll let us get away with this. Not that you will.